30 Days

I know I've mainly been posting about wedding stuff, but this blog has really become a safe place for me to release all thoughts and feelings. I look forward to reading them in the future and seeing how God's hand played in each step of the planning and preparing.

We are 30 days until we say "I Do"! It's been a long time coming. I've said it before, but I can't say it enough.....it's been the strangest season. I keep telling E that each thing we get accomplished for the wedding makes our wedding day seem more and more real, but it also feels like we've been planning forever and our day just seems out of reach. 

I can't pretend to always be positive and the ugly truth is that I have too many moments of discouragement. In all honesty, it's a cycle. I'm fine and I honestly don't stress, then just when I think things can't get worse, they actually do, except at this point nothing affects me anymore. Any bad news that I hear just seems to go through my ear and out the other. I'm not sure if I'm just numb to the bad news or if I've just gotten use to it. 

This is what today looked like:

+ Touring a venue cause Plan B. (If I've told you, you know....)

+ Feeling an overwhelming amount of uncertainty

+ Crying in front of my in-laws

+ Conversations surrounding guidelines 

+ More tears

+ Conversations about food and decor even though there's really no plan

But it also looked like:

+ Hugs and tears of understanding from my mother-in-law

+ Many words of affirmation and comfort from E

+ Being held in E's arms multiple times

+ An unplanned picnic at a park with Chick-Fil-A with perfect weather

+ Wisdom from both sets of parents

+ Space given when it's needed

+ Reminders from friends that they love me 

I told E today that wedding planning has been beyond difficult, but if there was something to be thankful for, it's that it's drawn me ever closer to the Lord.  That was all I could get out before I started choking on my tears. E held my hand and we sat in silence with those words lingering in the air. 

I am thankful for my God, who listens and cares for me. I know that I can lean and trust in who He is and rest in His faithfulness. I can sleep in peace because I believe in His goodness and purpose. And I am so thankful for my God, who graciously gifts me with His blessings daily even though I doubt and question Him too many times to count. My God is good.