I never would have imagined that I would be nursing and pumping exclusively for Eli. For some reason, the idea of feeding my son was something that I didn't spend too much time thinking about. When asked if I was planning to breastfeed or use formula, I would just casually respond that the plan was to breastfeed but that I was okay with formula too. I wasn't necessarily set on one specific option.
Fast forward to the day Eli was born. I remember the nurse saying," Alright, let's see if he's hungry!" She placed him in the football hold to nurse and he latched immediately. It was that moment that I felt something inside of me shift and change. As cheesy as it sounds, I felt an immediate connection by this simple act of feeding. It was from that moment that I was determined to breastfeed Eli.
I remember hearing from other moms about the challenges and difficulties that they experienced while breastfeeding, but man, I didn't realize just how personal it would be. I didn't know that you would have to find the right position for the baby to feed and I didn't even know that the baby might prefer different positions depending on which breast. I didn't know that having a fast let down existed and that it would shoot out literally like a hose, making it difficult for your child to eat. I really wasn't aware that nursing would leave me so thirsty that I would chug water like I had ran a marathon or that I would be snacking at 3am in the morning after a night feed.
Then when I began pumping almost a month after, I had no clue that bottle feeding had its own challenges. But that's for another time.
It was tough and it took a huge mental toll on me. There were times when I would cry because I felt like I couldn't feed Eli (even though it literally only happened once, but ya know....postpartum hormones). I remember always feeling anxious right before a nursing session because I wasn't sure how Eli would deal with my fast let down. Because I had all of these doubts and anxieties, I really used this opportunity to reach out to other breastfeeding mommas. One of them told me," It's so tough, but once you push through and you both get the hang out of, you and baby will both enjoy nursing and it's the best thing ever." Praise God, that He has brought Eli and I there!
I no longer nurse throughout the day and mainly nurse during the night and man, it is exhausting but I love it. There really is no other way to describe it but to say that it is a special time that I love sharing with Eli. I thank God that He was my strength and used my friends to encourage me. It didn't matter whether they had breastfed or not because having their listening ear and reassurance that I was doing my best for Eli was more than enough.
E was also my rock through this. He helped me with nightly feeding during the first month and a half. He listened to me whenever I cried and was always so quick to encourage me with my breastfeeding journey. He bought me delicious and healthy snacks to munch on after nursing sessions and would always burp baby afterwards so that I could rest. It really does take a team and I can't express how thankful I am for my husband.
I'm currently on month four of breastfeeding! I can't own this though because it truly is God who has given me the opportunity to do this and I thank Him for giving me this chance to share these moments with my son.
So, here are my tips if you are planning on breastfeeding:
- Find a support system! For me, that was a group of friends that I reached out to. I even went to a feeding group with Kathryn and learned so much there! It was definitely out of my comfort zone but I'm so glad I went.
- Seek out help from a lactation consultant. Seriously, do it! They exist for a reason and I think it's so cool that there are people who do this for a living. I can honestly say that it felt so good to seek professional help because I always walked away feeling much more hopeful.
- It takes time. Even though Eli latched immediately and nursed successfully, it still took time for the both of us to get a rhythm going.
- Try different positions until you find the right one! We started off with cross cradle and the football hold. Tried koala a few times, but now regular cradle is what works for us.
- Really lean into God's grace during this time. Looking back, I wish I would've taken so much of the pressure I had put on myself off. This was a skill both Eli and I had to learn and I wish I would've told myself that.
Best of luck to you if you are breastfeeding! And if you aren't, that's okay too! At the end of the day, God has provided us wonderful resources - our bodies and formula - to nourish our babies. It is truly amazing!
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