Oh, where to start?
Planning a wedding around Covid-19 was something that I never
ever expected to be doing. When it first hit me that I might have to possibly
make huge changes to my wedding, I was slammed with panic. I was consumed with
anxiety and cried on the phone with E that night. The idea of having to
postpone our wedding was beyond my imagination – the most important day of
life, the day I’ve been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl seemed to
crumble right before me. For several weeks, I was tormented at the idea of
possibly not having the wedding of my dreams. I was easily brought to tears and
wept frequently whenever E and I talked about it. In fact, I wanted to
completely avoid the topic of our wedding and had ceased all wedding planning.
Through the prayers of E and my friends and family, God has
slowly been changing my heart. Am I sad that I will probably have to cut my guest
list dramatically? Yes. I am sad for the many changes that may have to take
place. I experienced deep disappointment, but praise God for blessing me with a
man who reminds me daily to “cling onto the Lord because He’s gotten us this
far.” Truly, this situation has drawn me ever closer to the Lord. It’s only
through Him that I can type this blog post with a peace and calm in my heart
that was nearly absent weeks ago.
I’ve been reading the story of David and have been so
encouraged by the kind of man David was. He was extremely sinful just like any
human being. He was a murderer and an adulterer; he was passive when he needed
to take action, acted on his own will when he should’ve sought God’s first, but
I find great comfort in how God orchestrated David’s life. With every sin,
David sought repentance and reconciliation with God. Even before he became
king, he had several chances to murder Saul and take the throne for himself,
but never did. Instead, in God’s perfect timing, he became king without Saul’s
blood on his hands.
Instead of trying to find answers of when, how, and why, I
choose to wait upon the Lord and trust with all my heart that my God will make
things perfect in His own way. Is my wedding the most important event amidst
the ongoing issues in the world? No, it isn’t. But I know that God cares about
me and that means He cares about the smallest details, like my wedding. Through
God, I know my wedding will be the wedding of my dreams because it was orchestrated
by Him, not from my own hands.
These are questions I remind myself every day and I hope they
can encourage you through any season:
Will God continue to find me faithful no matter the season?
Will I believe that everything He does for me is for good?
Will I find peace in
His faithfulness and sovereignty?
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